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Questions and Comments

Family
Today I am going to touch on a couple of things.

Questions and Comments.

I'm at work so this will be quick and painless.

Today I recieved two comments about my blog with Corran. The first one was wonderful and made me feel very good about the state of humanity and the acceptance of Autism in our society today. The second one made me grind my teeth and hold back tears as I recieved it in my personal e-mail which I checked at work during my lunch break.

I'll touch on the upsetting one first. This one came into my personal e-mail CaptainJamesFrost@gmail.com.
Now I know this is the internet and I acknowledge that people sometimes say things or mention opinions that may be upsetting to other people (intentionally or not) that might offend and hurt people. Here is the e-mail that was sent to me. Now before you read this, please know that I am not encouraging a witch hunt, I just wanted to share with you my feelings on the matter.

"hi,

i came across your story and wondering if your son's autism started after
his vaccinations ?

you can take a look at earthclinic.com, curezone.com and Dr Russell
Blaylock's vaccine detox since autism has been heavily linked to vaccines.

all the best, be well."

So how do I start this? Well I'll start it this way. My reply. Now I was going to write a strongly worded reply to this person but luckily my boss, Robbie took notice that I was upset and let me know that getting mad wasn't the answer. So I told them the truth. Corran has always been a little different, it just took us a while to realise just HOW different he really was.

Here's my simple reply.

"Hi

My son's Autism was already apparent before his vaccines. But thanks for taking the time to ask and for your attempts to give me resources. Have a terrific day!

Simon"

No anger, no hurt, just a polite reply thanking them for the time they took to e-mail.

I will point out one thing though, as a parent to an autistic boy and as someone who has friends who go through this all the time.

Here goes....

No matter how messed up, loud, annoying or generally out of the ordinary someone's special needs child appears to be, no matter how different they are. Unless you are asked, never, EVER tell a parent that their kid is screwed up. Never EVER tell them that it's their fault for giving them vaccines, or eating certain foods or mixing certain ethnicities (I've heard all of these, the last one usually being the most aggressive as my wife is %50 African American, God Forbid). And especially in the case of Autistic kids, NEVER try to convince a parent that there is a cure unless you know they are actively seeking it.

I'll lay it out for you. Autistic kids are not messed up, they are not a burden and they most certainly are NOT in need of curing.
As an Autistic child, my son's brain is wired differently. I am wired for comedy, creative writing and the love of a good story, my wife is wired to be someone who can carry on a conversation for hours about nothing or talk logically through an otherwise stressful situation. You the reader could be wired to play the harp while riding on the back of an elephant while singing Yankee doodle...... ok maybe not that.....

The point is that my Son's brain is wired for Logic and curiosity. He might not be able to understand the emotions of others, or body language, he might have trouble learning simple things like going potty or language all while being able to pull apart and understand the basic electronics in his Wiimote. He is just wired differently and he is MINE. He is not a problem and he is not your problem.

Here's a fact. If there was some magical cure for Corran's autism, I would never give it to him. Sure if he wanted it later he could go do it himself, as that is his right as a human being. But as a parent, and as someone who loves every special moment with the special boy that is all mine, I could not do that. This magical cure that everyone talks about would basically rewire my son's brain. He would no longer be the boy that I know. There would be this "Normal" kid inhabiting the body of my wonderful and wonderfully different little boy and I don't want that.

The point is that a magical cure would not fix a child with Autism, but take them away. It would be equal to taking my son back to the doctor with his birth certificate and saying "hey this kid is defective and I'd like to trade him in." That just doesn't fly with me. Sorry but I just do not want that for my son. If there is ever a legitimate cure for autism, I will tell him about it, but it will be his decision and I will wait for him to be an adult so he can make that decision for himself.

That is all I will say on that subject as I can't talk about it anymore without getting more upset at the office and I am pretty sure I've made my point.

Let's move on to something that made me smile this morning. I saved this for last because I want this e-mail to end on a happy note.

In the comments for my very first entry about Corran after his Father's day gift, I recieved the following comment.

"i am in vancouver, bc canada. if u happen to be here in november 2013
please come to my vegan restaurant panz veggie for conplimentary meals
with your son. not just one meal but meals. hope to see you both here.
connect good chi both of you."

This was a wonderful thing to wake up to this morning. I was touched by this. Nothing about cures, vaccines or anything like that. Just a simple, kind-hearted guesture and a well wish.

Sir or Madam, I don't know who you are, but thank you for this. I won't be in Vancouver any time soon but the offer means a lot. Not because it is free stuff, but because it shows me someone who sees someone who is happy and instead of trying to inject themselves into the situation to say "hey there's a guy here with a cure" or "hey you should have aborted him" or "hey your kid is a retard", instead they say "Hey I see you have a loving family with a terrific child, have lunch on us."

This really touched me to my core. No judgments, just goodwill. I know the offer will have expired by the time I ever get a chance to go to this restaurant, but I'll be sure to check it out all the same. I hope the place is as nice as the person who commented I imagine it will be very good indeed.

In the meantime I'd like to encourage anyone who reads this and who is or will be in the Vancouver area to check this place out. I took a look at the restaurant webpage and it looks like a good place to go out with some friends, and I think these nice people deserve some business after a nice guesture like that.

So the place is called Panz Veggie. It looks really good and even if you love meat I hope some readers will check it out. Also let me know if it's any good so I can check it out if I ever make it to Vancouver. Here is a link to their website! http://www.panzveggie.com/

That's all I've got today. Sorry for the rant but sometimes a guy just has to blow off some steam and a blog is a good place to do it.

I hope my readers have learned something new from this blog or my previous entries. Next blog I'll post an update about Corran with photos!! Be sure to check back often as I'll be trying to write more and more.

Catch you all later!!

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Oct. 10th, 2013 06:00 pm (UTC)
good on ya squires. Ahh as a guy with strong opinions that often go against the soft hearted majority, I cant go witch hunt on people. the cure fellah probably meant no harm, and maybe even thought they were helping as you stated. so you reacted well after a lil calming down my friend and kudos to you for taking the time to calm down before you responded. Im sorry I had to laugh at the kiddo trade in idea. Just reminds me of me telling a friends lil sister that babies came from sears, used to get em at canadian tire but they had to be assembled at home n made an awful mess lol You, the wife and the boy keep rocking on the way you always have. I openly admit that I dont know if I myself would have the strength to raise an autistic child, but you guys are doing one helluva job at it and should be proud as hell that you are. It shows in every pic you folks post of Corran with that big loveable grin on his face ^_^ power to ya my brother.
-Titus
(Anonymous)
Oct. 10th, 2013 06:03 pm (UTC)
okay im overdoing it but I utterly forgot one very important thing. Thank you for this post. I've read a lot of things on autism, I have a good many friends with one type of autism or another. You are the first guy, parent or otherwise who put having an autistic child into a perspective that opened up my eyes. From describing how Corrans brain is wired, the part where you said
But as a parent, and as someone who loves every special moment with the special boy that is all mine, I could not do that. This magical cure that everyone talks about would basically rewire my son's brain. He would no longer be the boy that I know. There would be this "Normal" kid inhabiting the body of my wonderful and wonderfully different little boy and I don't want that.

that was a bit of an eye opener for me. I may never fully agree with everyones outlook or statements on autism. But I can utterly agree you got a helluva boy there, n yer a better man for loving every lil thing about him that makes him different.
Megan Burleson
Oct. 11th, 2013 04:45 am (UTC)
AMEN.

I just found you on Reddit - my blog is MegsAMommy.com - I would love it if you followed me there! My son is ASD too, and we celebrate him as well! Wouldn't change him for the world! I am going to go ahead and read some more of your entries now! Cheers!
g_monkey
Oct. 11th, 2013 03:10 pm (UTC)
Re: AMEN.
Hey! Sorry I didn't see this sooner! For some reason Livejournal marked it as spam. I'll go check out your blog now! Thanks for reading :)
(Anonymous)
Oct. 11th, 2013 03:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
As a mom to little boy with autism, I hear the same stuff all the time and it just makes me so mad - worse I get it from other parents with kids on the spectrum. I get that there are those who feel the need to place blame, to find some one thing that caused it, I don't share that need myself, but I understand it. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing and summing up beautifully my own stance. I wouldn't change my son for the world. I run a local support group and try very hard to keep the blame game and cure mongering to a minimum - talking about it is fine, pushing it on other families is not. It's a hard balance and sometimes I fail, but I try.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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